Thoughts....

During my conversation with one of the bloggers Nicole, who happen to be another PhD student in UNSW in the medicine building, that I was lamenting to her that I see no lights at all at the end of the tunnel. To which, she replied not only are there no lights, but there are lots of bumps where we will eventually end up with a permanent head damage at the end of the day! LOL… This is indeed very apt to the situation. Haiz… the PhD route is merely a road of bumps and knocks, and one way or the other we will only end up having permanent head damage. The way I see it, I would be lucky to survive with just permanent head damage after 4 years of bumping and knocking. Probably I will have a lot of white hair by then?! Probably I would have died after deciding to end my miserable bumping life, if my experiments keep on failing me for the next few months or years.

I’ve never expected so much difficulties treading on this road. I know there will be up and downs, but never did I imagine that the mountains will be so high, or the oceans so deep, that a roundabout is never in sight. Luck is never at my side. If I have other talents, I might have just quit my PhD and seek a better future. That’s the issue – I’ve no talents. I am neither musically inclined, versatile in my crafts, creative, charismatic, vocal, linguistic, physically fit, and… (Need I even continue?). The only gift which I’m endowed with is my processing unit aka my brain, and its interest in science. Even so, my processing unit has limited capacity, and tends to lose memory at times and certainly not the best model in the world. In fact, being part of the congregation of researchers and scientific community, I would say my talents are negligible compare to them. So, to take reductionist approach on my worth, I would say that what is probably most worthy is my passion for science and thirst in understanding the ticking of the world. But in this field, where science and technology are so intriguingly interwoven, science simply doesn’t exist anymore. It aren’t as naïve as the 18th or even early 20th century anymore. Passion for science – worthless. Thirst for knowledge – only if it is bundled with a technological tag, else just drown yourselves in water to quench your thirst once and for all.