The day of greys and blues...

Despite finally having a rest day after 23 continuous days of work (including weekends), I'm not happy. Not that I'm a workaholic, but I just felt down. Even though I've been listening to the happy song over and over again throughout the day, I still couldn't help feeling down. Well... this could be due to either of these reasons, or all of them...

1. Feeling frustrated from planning my year end trip when my beloved Limin comes over this year end. Well, not really over the planning, but rather over the fact that we have not much money to spend on the trip and so got to plan carefully. And, the package for Fraser island will be expired come end of March, and they didn't put up the new package for the period starting from Apr 08. So, it's really hard for me to plan... Why plan so early? Well, it's something that I can look forward to amidst my mentally torturous PhD candidature.

2. Anna, our wedding planner, emailed us today saying that the Beaufort resort's villa cannot accommodate more than 30 guest for our ROM solemnization. Beaufort is my first choice for ROM venue... and this news really hit me hard. And I then I thought, I'm not going to have the solemnization inside the house of the villa, but rather at the poolside area. Couldn't that accommodate 50 guests? Why does things never turn out the way I want it? Gotta ask her to check again if the max 30 guest is for inside the house or by the poolside.

3. My housemate, JM, has been quite successful with his PhD candidature. Well, not to say that he didn't have his bad times, but he has finally managed to tide over it. And has thus far published a peer-reviewed article in Science, as well as having the tv crew to film and interview him. And he's going for conference in Paris soon - and he had just went for one in Barcelona last year! Well... not to say that I'm jealous of him or envious. In fact, I'm happy for him that he is finally seeing the light at the end of the PhD tunnel. But his success has somehow contrast out my miserable PhD candidature that I had so far... and I'm beginning to think if I will ever see that light just as what JM is going through now. The light of his success has brought to my attention how dark my PhD tunnel is, and I don't foresee myself seeing that light in my tunnel at all...

With light, darkness lurks.
And in darkness I seek,
for that remote glimpse of hope,
a flickering photon that ushers in the end.
The euphoric end, a paradisic land.
A well worth journey, I reckoned.
But where is my beam of light?
I fear for my blight.
Will I ever see it?